I have the freedom to listen to any music I want

It's starting to be too much. It's already third or fourth day. Every morning, he is waiting me in the corridor. I go down, ready to put my shoes (or still, as it's warm, flip flops) on and there he is.

Or technically he is not there, but I hear his voice. Or actually, I don't hear his voice either, but a specific song starts to play in my head. Always in the corridor, always in the morning and in the morning only. Every morning, David Hasselhoff accompanies me and starts to sing his hit song I've been looking for freedom.

I have to say that the song is not in my list of top-10 favorite songs. I haven't heard it for a long time either. Sometimes, for some weird reasons, some random songs pop up in my head - what to do. But today it started to be too much. I had to find out why it is stuck in my head, why it appears always in the corridor. So I googled the lyrics, desperately trying to find some answers. I read them, and listened to the song. That's the moment when my eyes turned wide open. I don't remember never actually listening to lyrics. But now when I see them it obvious - I've been looking for freedom.

I headed down the track
my baggage on my back
I left the city far behind
walkin' down the road
with my heavy load
tryin' to find
some peace of mind
father said you'll be sorry, son
if you leave your home this way
and when you realize
the freedom money buys
you'll come running home some day

I've been looking for freedom
I've been looking so long
I've been looking for freedom
still the search goes on
I've been looking for freedom
since I left my home town

No matter what, the song is still not in my favorite top-10. Nor in top-50. And actually the lyrics are not so special. Sorry David, I'd prefer to continue looking for my freedom without you, so please, get out from my corridor, thankyouverymuch.

Cafe latte, please... and a brownie

Sweet Bean - an American style coffee house - is my favorite café in Peja. It surely is not a typical one. How come? Five unique facts make it special: 1) This place really is the only café in the city that has non-smoking policy, 2) Music is played with such volume that it's possible to hear what a person next to you says, 3) It also happens to be the only one that sells something to eat with your coffee, american style sweet pastries in this case, 4) They have books and magazines to read, 5) Also girls work there.

Four first points are also the reasons why it has gained the first place in my list of cafés here. Conveniently, it's relatively close to our office. So we go there almost every day. To support local business of course. Not to mention the brownies - they are soooooooo good. If the word devour is created for something specific, that would be for me eating brownies.

P.S. 6) It is the only café that uses metal spoons instead of disposable plastic spoons.

Not just anyone.

Sometimes - not too often though - you just meet someone that you feel to have connection with from the very first second you met. Someone who you constantly notice doing things you would do (and not only would, but you do), and those things fascinate you. Such as talking to bees - patiently explaining to them that no, it's not their food, would you please leave. Or jumping to puddles. Or catching raindrops with tongue. And you would do the same.

Except you won't. Not this time. Because you are so attracted by this other person you forget who you truly are and start acting like and idiot. Like start to slobber for example. That someone must feel the same connection that you do, right? Right?

Kosovar etiquette

An example of everyday dialog (usually in Albanian):

- Hi! (kisses to cheeks) How are you? Are you good?

- Yes, good good. And you?

- Good. How are you doing?

- Good, good.

- How is everything going?

- Good.

- Are you tired?

- No, no. It's good.

- Anything new?

- Nothing.

- Why?

- *shrug*

- How's your family?

- Good. They are very good.

...

- How are you?

At this point of discussion my Finnish side feels stupid. Didn't the other side listen at all what I just told?

And my Albanian side? It smiles and replies: good.

Market Day

A sunny September Saturday in Peja. What to do? Let's go to Green Market.

So we went there with my friend. We walked through the bazaar, so it was one big market all the way to greens. Handcrafts, flags, music (even C-cassettes 0,50€!), clothes, traditional cradles, stoves and grills, tools and spares, chickens, firewood..

As the name indicates, Green Market is a market for green stuff. Such as cabbages. Cauliflowers. Zucchinis. And some vegetables with other colors too. Currently it's a pepper season. Everyone sells them – red, green, slightly orange colored, regular, hot and hotter. The plum season is just about to end and the plums don't taste anymore as good as they used to. Or maybe they are not so good because I didn't buy them from a right person. The watermelon season is passed as well – shame, I really loved that one. So now, enjoy the peppers!

Encounters 2

I went to the same hostel. I met him again. No one had used the opera tickets. It's Sunday evening and markets are closed. I'm planning to hunt some food and ask some directions. He is just leaving home and offers to show me a couple of places. We talk more on the way. He tells about the cat who sits in hostel's garden. I laugh. He seems to be a really nice guy. We reach the place and he helps to order as the language is weird for me. He asks when I'm leaving. Tomorrow morning, early, I will go home to Kosovo. He won't come to work before I leave.

Maybe we will meet again some day. I eat and start walking back to the hostel, smiling. I still don't know his name.

Encounters

Breakfast. The guy working in the hostel shows me how to make coffee (by the way, why didn't I ask at least his name?). We start to talk, and he tells me that he is always afraid when hearing any Nordic person is in the hostel. Recently a Swedish guy committed a suicide in one of the rooms and this guy found him. He shows me the door to the sealed room.

He also asks me when I'm leaving and where heading, because.... he has two opera tickets to Jakme but he can't go. Dammit! I haven't been in any opera or ballet for a long time. We talk a little more and he tells that his father is an opera singer. Shoot! Still I haven't asked his name. He asks mine (to keep the record of the people staying in the hostel). I hurry to meet some people in the center, he is also leaving home. We say goodbyes, and I tell him that I'm coming back in a few days so maybe we will see again. Or maybe not.

Happy man

There's a special man in my life. I have never seen him, but I think of him often. He is old, not the oldest possible, but definitely not so young either. He is from a village.

Every Saturday he travels from the village to the city to sell plums. He stands in the corner of a street, with his plums. One Saturday friends of mine went to buy some. 50 cents (0,50 €) for one kilo. Not too expensive! They bought two kilos. Receiving one euro, the man seemed so happy. Later, I went to visit my friends and got to taste these plums. They were the best plums I have ever eaten. So sweet, so fruity, so fresh. I heard the story of this man, and I assure you, the plums started to taste even better.

Next Saturday it was raining. The man was there again, in the corner, standing in the rain under his umbrella, selling plums. My friends went to buy more plums. This time they were even cheaper, 40 cents per kilo. They bought three kilos and gave two euros to the man. He thanked for the generosity and seemed to be so happy, just to get two euros.

It thrills me. I don't know how I should feel about the man (or maybe I shouldn't feel anything) and I can't determine how I feel. The story seems to be at the same time happy and a bit sad. With how little one can be happy! Is that something worth aiming at? Isn't it?

Oh, by the way, the man in the photo has nothing to do with this story. He is Rrustem, an 80 years old highlander, wearing a traditional Rugovan outfit. The other photo is from the street where the man sells plums. He is not in the picture, as it was taken before the plum season.

P.S. Yes, the currency in Kosovo is Euro. Don't ask why, or how.

Does there always have to be a reason for travel?

Location: home

Mood: reflective

Energy level: 68 %

Background music: Josh Groban

Passport. It is one of the biggest differences between me and locals. Mine is an EU passport. It has value.

A couple years ago there was a campaign All different, all equal. THAT ideology for sure hasn't reached this region yet. To be born in Finland is like to win in a lottery. I get usually great service at border crossings in Balkans, as every country wants to join EU. The other option for good treatment is that I'm just too cute. I had to recently check if Finns need a visa to Republic of Korea. And we don't. It's so easy to be a citizen of European Union. But it's not so simple all the time even for us privileged. The current situation of Kosovo makes my life complicated sometimes. When I need to go to Serbia, for example. Well,... actually that is the only example.

It goes like this: if I need to go to Serbia, I can't go directly from Kosovo unless the last entry stamp is Serbian. There is a simple reason for this. As Serbia doesn't recognize Kosovo's independence but considers it to be part of Serbia, it does naturally not recognize Kosovo's entry stamps either. If I don't have Serbian stamp it means I have entered Serbian territory illegally, which is BAAAAAD. Makes sense this far. If I have some other stamps, like Montenegro, that are issued after my latest Serbian stamp, in case I need to go to Serbia I have to first go out from Kosovo to some other country and then enter Serbia from “outside”. It's really logical. Coming from Serbia to Kosovo is ok, there's not even border control as technically you don't even leave the country. The only thing at the border is a some sort of “inner customs” check.

Another issue which makes me sweat at Serbian border is how they treat passports with stamps of Kosovo. Currently I have ten of them so I'm every time freaking out when I hand out my passport. I have read from some sources that it's not possible to enter Serbia if having any stamps of Kosovo. True or not, that's not the case in real life. I have heard a horror story of a border police ripping off the pages with those stamps (which is really scary as it would invalidate the passport) but as I don't have any primary source I consider it as an urban legend. Nevertheless, the border police may ask some questions that make you sweat before s/he cancels the stamps. Cancels them by either crossing them over with a pen, stamping over them with a stamp of Serbia, or by using a special “canceled” stamp and stamping Serbian stamps next to canceled stamp of Kosovo. The last one I have witnessed myself, others heard. My stamps are still safe. I try to be clever – last time arriving Serbia by train from Croatian border I put my train ticket between the passport's pages which had only Croatian stamps and hoped that the border police won't check all the pages. She checked the information page, stamped and then started checking some of the other pages. I noticed a minor lift of an eyebrow when she reached one page so it must have been the first stamp. Entries to Serbia: four. Number of canceled stamps: zero. Luckily, most of my Kosovo-stamps are in the last two pages. I wouldn't like to be there if they opened those pages!

In my case traveling is still easy and simple, like kindergarten. Ask how it is for locals -for Kosovar Albanians- and then we start to talk about true obstacles.

I went to a meeting in Slovenia in June with my Kosovar friend. We flew there because he couldn't go by land. Why? For simple reasons. Shortest route would be Kosovo-Serbia-Croatia-Slovenia. But – and this is the crazy part – no access to Serbia for Kosovar Albanians (and I mean completely blocked, totally no-no). Take a detour and go around Serbia then! Kosovo-Montenegro-Bosnia&Herzegovina-Croatia-Slovenia? One little problem in this scenario too: no access to Bosnia either for Kosovars as Bosnia&Herzegovina doesn't recognize Kosovar travel documents. Go around B&H then! It would be nice to take a bus along the beautiful Croatian coast. But – Kosovars need a visa to Croatia, and still it wouldn't work. If you look at the map of Croatia carefully you will see how the tail of Croatia cuts in south. That's the place where there is Bosnian seaside. And it' maybe 10 minutes ride in Bosnian territory. The only options would have been to go to either Montenegro or Albania, take a boat to Italy (where they need visa), and go from Italy to Slovenia. Or Macedonia-Bulgaria-Romania-Hungary (only three visas needed). That would be ridiculous especially when the meeting was just two days. So we took a plane.

At Ljubljana International Airport in Slovenia we went through passport control. Or I went. A border police opened my passport, looked at it for less than a second, closed it, gave back, smiled and said “Kiitos”. He even thanked me in my language. How great is the idea of free movement inside EU! Then it was my friend's turn. He showed his visa (which he naturally needed for entering Slovenia, not the easiest procedure). The border police started to ask questions with very rude tone. “Where are you going? Why? When will you leave? Show the return flight ticket.” I came back to the desk and asked if there is a problem. He is with me. So he got a stamp to his passport, thank you, goodbye. I felt bad. Why I should be treated like I was when this young boy had to take and just accept all that mean behavior, and convince the other country once again that he has all the right to step with his feet in to this piece of land?

I started to make a list of all countries in the world that thanks to the fact that I happen to be a Finn I can access without any visa procedure. And next column for Kosovars. Sad statistics. For example Europe – I can go anywhere except to Russia without a visa. And a Kosovar without a visa? Nowhere – in the whole world – except Macedonia, Montenegro and Albania. And no access at all to Serbia, Bosnia&Herzegovina and Russia (China could be in this list too, I'm not sure). How fair is that?

To be fair, life is not that simple for Serbs of Kosovo either. To some places where Serbs from Serbia don't need visa, Serbs who live in Kosovo are still required to have a visa, though they have Serbian documents. Serbian documents. From Serbia. Just because they happen to live in this area.

Getting a visa. In an easy case, such as Slovenia, you need only two trips to Prishtina. Before that make sure to collect all the necessary documents, such as your original invitation letter from Slovenia. Fill the application, get a passport photo, get an insurance, pay the application fee. Tadah, next day you have a visa. IF the embassy hasn't decided to refuse that. Without any special reason. And guess what? If they do that, it will also be recorded. When applying again, better not to have any refused visas in your “account”. And a hard case may require several trips to Macedonia. Applying, interview, collect a visa. It used to be possible to enter Macedonia without passport if there was a proof of going to the embassy. It's not possible anymore, so getting a visa means staying in Macedonia. OR as I've understood in the worst case you may need to go to the embassy in Belgrade. In Serbia. Where you can't go. At all. How fair is that?

Through my empiric studies and discussions I have recently discovered that the whole world, at least the whole Europe, seems to hate Albanians. I'm curious to see if this all this visa-related hassle is any easier for Albanians of Albania. If it's easier, I'm happy for them. If not, it shows one aspect of the horrible idea that we lack the respect of humanity towards them. And it's happening right before our eyes. Inside Europe, towards other Europeans. How sick is that?

Disclaimer: The situation here is not unique. Similar things are happening elsewhere too. Like between Armenia and Azerbaijan (Entry to Azerbaijan will be refused e.g. to citizens of Armenia and to all foreign citizens of Armenian descent and ancestry and those with Armenian names and surnames, as well as any products made in Armenia and with Armenian labeling... or any evidence of visiting Nagorno-Karabakh (Wikitravel)). Georgia (Abkhazia)-Russia. China-Tibet. Wild guess that also Chechnya-Russia. How much hatred can fit into this planet?

An invitation to marvel

Location: couch-bed, home

Mood: deep in thoughts

Energy level: 99 %

Background music: World of Warcraft – Arthas, my Son

If I traveled in time about seven hours to the future, I would have ten more minutes before alarm will ring and I should wake up and prepare myself to a meeting in Prishtina. So perhaps I should go to sleep. But no no, thanks to the combination of coffee, a brilliant movie that made me think and overdose of sugar from juice I'm not sleepy at all.

I just saw the movie Into the Wild (2007). It's based on a true story. If you haven't seen it, go and watch it. It reminded me of one episode of the best tv-series ever, Millennium. Luminary is the episode, from season 2. (And now when I checked it, actually the book Into the Wild was inspiration for this episode.) There, Alex (!) Ventoux, who went to Alaska (!) says: Some day, some kid will tell Ian: “You're an idiot. Just like your brother who threw his life away, walked into the woods and died.” That is my favorite episode along with Goodbye Charlie. Another quote from the same episode: Imagine, for one second you could drop in on a past life. What would you like to find yourself doing there? What would charm you? Make you proud? Ask yourself that. And the question what to do in this life becomes so simple it's terrifying. Just to do that thing that would charm you. It would make you say: yes, it's the real me. Do that and you're alive.

Both the movie and the episode catch something that is out there, a feeling of not fitting in to those boundaries that have developed in the society. There's something else. Something that constantly drives us to go out and try to find ourselves. Something that gives a hint of an ultimate pleasure if it is ever to be found, something that sets barking dogs after us to tear us down if we ever dare to stop searching. Standard life is for normal people. What about us who can never stop?

I love this song (from the movie): Society

It was that moment when I turned my back to everything - and felt peace. One day, I will go to Alaska.

-Do you miss home? -No. -Why? -Because I'm already there.

Flashbacks – Slovenia. How great team of young Albanians I had! I received so many kisses, I-love-you's accompanied by looking straight to my eyes, hugs ans smiles from so many, just for the sake of seeing me.

And summer camps. This nine years old boy, before learning to say “I love you“ in English, came to me, smiled widely and said “te dua”. (Well then he learned some English and started to ask me if I'm crazy).

This (as well as many other things) made me think. How hard is it to open your mouth and talk about feelings? Extremely hard. Have I ever told my family that I love them? Not that I recall. Would I loose anything if I did that? No. Did I have to go 2200 km away to realize that? Apparently. Should I do something to fix this? How hard can it really be?

Giving and getting

After two intensive weeks in the mountains with a bunch of people, after many frustrating and drastically outnumbered great moments, the cook of our summer camps said to me (not word to word, translated from Albanian, written down weeks after): “You are the best here. You are the best because you didn't change. You remained the same. You came here as yourself.” I was moved. Regardless our limited conversation because of the language barrier she had just said aloud something that I had been thinking. She had seen through me.

I'm not good at all to bring gifts or souvenirs. I didn't bring anything to my best friends when I visited Finland. To my family I brought only candy. But all my life I have had a passion – passion to give. Not material but overall to give from myself. When I was a child it had a different undeveloped form. It has driven me not only to several years of active voluntary work in humanitarian and environmental organizations, but also it has pushed me to edge of having some relatively deep thoughts about the whole concept of social responsibility as well as selfishness. (By the way I'm not going to reveal them here.)

Why to give? What do I get from giving? Do I have to get something? Young et al (Governing, leading, and managing nonprofit organisations – New insights from research and practice. 1993) have identified six motivation and satisfaction categories for volunteers.

1) the knowledge function (to learn new skills and gain new awarenesses)

2) the career function (to enhance one’s job prospects)

3) the value-expressive function (to make a difference in the world)

4) the social-adjustive function (desire for acceptance and approval in certain social groups)

5) the ego-defensive function (a need to escape personal inadequacies such as guilt)

6) esteem enhancement (growth and self-actualisation needs)

I would love to think that my motivation that has made me to come here falls to the category 3. In reality, it certainly is an interesting mixture of all the categories, and maybe more. I consider myself to be a selfish person. The more risks I take, more passion I feel. The more I give, more I feel alive. More I get.

Getting. It's all about giving.

Misunderstandings

Usually life goes on smoothly. But sometimes - rarely - there are moments of misunderstanding. Like today. Even using common language English, still we can speak different languages. I regret the words I said, and the misunderstandings we had. I know I can be hard sometimes. Unfortunately, combining work and friendship almost inevitably leads to these kind of moments. I'm happy that we spoke it through.

Carbon footprint

My carbon footprint. Every time I test it I'm assured to have huge feet. Though being environmentalist, in past years I have become to be a hell of a consumer. And yes, I feel guilty about that. And no, I haven't changed my habits as much as I'm capable to change. But it's been a while since I have filled any on-line questionnaire about my consumption.

Question: What best describes the climate zone you live in? If you are not sure, the dominant climate for your country is already selected.

I didn't know that I live in tropical and wet climate, including rainforests. Well, technically I'm not living in a country that no longer exists (Serbia & Montenegro). Though I'm living in a country that in a way doesn't yet exist. Questionnaire, we're even?

Or actually, at least according to one website, Montenegro has some jungle, so maybe it counts. (And I had to check dictionary the other meanings for jungle to believe that fact.)

Question: Please enter the number of kilometers you travel per year for each mode of transportation:

Automobiles, including personal vehicles, taxis, and carpools

Bus, including metro and long distance service

Rail, including subways, inner-city light rail, cross country trains

Air travel

Hahahahaha! How easy. Let me think...Only for past two weeks I have traveled at least by jeep, car, van, plane, train, taxi, bus, tram, (you name it!) as well as by foot and bike (after making up some round numbers and clicking next, I get an ”Error:0” sign).

"Congratulations, you are living an ecologically conscientious lifestyle. If everyone lived like you do, we would need only 0.47 Earths."

I don't believe this. Let's check the statistics. Yeap, I was right. In ¾ sections my answers show zero. I know the truth. I overconsume, and badly. Mostly due to my passion to explore and vagabond.